Finding Me
by AlwaysFalling26
Summary: He was dating my baby sister... I can't be gay can I? How do I get through this without hurting everyone I love. I needed to leave and not come back until I found myself, it's what I need in order to decide what I want. Fight my sister for the love of my life or delude myself into thinking there could be someone else. But finding me has to come first.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first story, I'm just looking for input on if I should continue writing this story or if i should go back to just reading. Thanks guys!

Prologue

Sometimes when I'm alone or lying in bed like now I wonder if I still would have chosen this path. He's everything to me and I to him. But I would do it without this entire backlash. Would we even be together if not for that death, the tragedy that had plagued my family? I lay here thinking about how we came to be and what would happen if my baby sister hadn't died. Thinking about her sends pain right through my heart, I can't bear to think about her big blue eyes or the way her laugh made me smile even in the darkest of times. I'm so involved in my memories that I don't even realize the sudden movement of the man I love behind me. He reaches around me and pulls me into his chest.

"What's going on in the beautiful brain of yours?"

"I'm thinking about Alice…again." Picking at the edges of our blanket. "When's the last time you thought about her?"

He sighs and sits up, "I think about her everyday babe, I cherish the times we had but I also thank her for bringing us together because you're honestly the best thing I've ever had in this fucked up life."

"But, she's gone and I'll honestly regret everything that led to that one moment for the rest of my life."

He stops responding for the moment and pulls me into his chest, which is desperately needed right now. I turn over to look at him and can't resist the love I feel as soon as I look into his eyes. I study every inch of his face and continue, down to his strong chest with a littering of blonde hair and can't help the shred of desire that runs through my body. Knowing where my thought process is going, he gives me that sexy smirk with those smoldering eyes that I just can't resist.

He leaned down to kiss me and I was surprised, even after all this time he woke up tasting, like _him._ He reached down and took me into his hand and I knew that I was going to see stars in minutes. He knew my body by now, knew what made me tick. The expert way his fingers ran over the head, while simultaneously cupping my balls in his hand. Just before I came, he took me into his mouth, while looking into my eyes and that was what made me fall over the edge.

Trying to catch my breath I brought him up to my face and kissed him. "I love you so much Jasper."

Smiling cheekily at him going to return the favor, he says "I love you too Edward."


	2. Chapter 2

I was 12 when my whole life changed. Puberty was a bitch lemme tell ya. I had just moved to rainy little Forks and wasn't expecting much of anything; I was the new kid from big ol Texas in a small town where everyone knew each other. Of course being an emotional, horny kid I gave my parents shit, yeah I won't lie. But after the first day of seventh grade I was the happiest I could be.

So my mom dropped me off and said "You'll see suga this will be good for us, now gimme a kiss and go learn." Me being the little shit I am, I ignored her and went to open the door and if you knew Charlotte Whitlock you'd know that shit wouldn't fly.

"Jasper Whitlock, if you don't straighten up I will take you over my knee and tan your hide."

I sighed and looked at her because who can stay mad at their mama? Not me that's for sure. "I'm sorry mama, I know I'm being a brat I'll try and do better." I gave her a kiss and went in to face my death.

As soon as I walked in, clueless as to where I was going, I collided with somebody and tried my hardest not to cuss. I stood up to see the cutest little fair with short black hair and these big blue eyes. Realizing I was staring way too hard I reached down to help her pick up all the stuff she dropped.

"I'm really sorry about that darlin I wasn't expecting you to be there."

"Well cowboy if you were paying attention you would've expected me to be there." She was so adorable when she was mad I couldn't help but think. Getting out of the trance she put me in, I realized I had about 3 minutes before I had to get to class. "Hey darlin do you think you can tell me where the office is? It's my first day and I really don't want to be late."

She rolled her eyes and me and pointed behind her, "It's the room that says office above the door, cowboy." I winked at her and ran down there.

After getting my schedule, I looked around trying to find my way to my math class and finally just went up to someone to ask. I tapped a brown haired girl on the shoulder and said "Excuse me do you think you can tell me where room 115 is?"

She looked at me and said just started spouting at the mouth "Sure, I'm actually heading that way, I don't think I've seen you around here? Are you new? I'm Bella Swan it's nice to meet you. What class do you have first?".

I looked at her with a stuck on stupid look on my face. "I'm not really sure what you just said, I maybe caught the word Bella and I assume that's you, I'm Jasper and if you asked I have math first."

"Righto dude, btw I love your accent, I'm not usually this hyper or even this talkative but my best friend Alice convinced me that eating a bunch of sugar this morning would help with the first day nerves. You'll actually meet Alice in math, she's the best."

We continued walking and finally stopped at a door. "Well this is your stop Jasper, it was nice meeting you maybe I'll see you later on. Oh and go sit with Alice, tell her we met she's totally chill she usually sits in the back of the classroom."

"Alrighty, thank you for your help Bella, hopefully I see you soon."

"Bye Jasper!"

I walked into the classroom, handed my teacher the slip and went to walk towards the back of the classroom. I looked up and made eye contact with those big blue eyes that I saw on my way in. She gave me a shy smile and I was shocked, I honestly thought this girl was going to hate me.

"Hi darlin' I really am sorry about before, I didn't mean to bump into you."

"No, I'm sorry that I snapped at you like that, I'm not usually like that." she gave me a smile that almost blinded me with how bright it was and I couldn't help but think that dreary Forks wouldn't be so bad after all.


End file.
